As seen on Murff TV. I think he's affecting the children. At dinner a few nights ago, the waitress placed a perfectly boring white oval pizza plate in front of my three-year-old son who said like some kind of Bhuddist ninja turtle "it's beauuuutiful dude." On with the show.
mount up

NO MATTER WHAT

1. Baby I'm a Star -- Prince and the Revolution: It makes me think of those heavily made up speed freak little unitard blond clone dollies dancing their hearts out on Star Search with your host Ed McMahon and panting into the microphone after he asks them their names and ages "Darthy, I'm sickth." "Brook. Six" "Megan. Seven." "Brett. Six" Brett, you're a stud. I'm proud of you kids. I love that song.

2. Ocean Man -- Ween: Nice ending choice Producers of the Spongebob Movie. This song is sunny when the trees are bare naked and everything is gray.

3. Africa -- Toto: When my little brother was actually little, I remember one day we were planting spruce trees. My parents have a nursery. I was around six, so he was about three. I would punch a hole in the ground with a spade, and he would drop in a seedling. We would each then step on either side of the seedling with our matching Pumas to snug the dirt up to the hole. As we moved along in 8-foot increments he sang "I left my brains down in Africa." Now every time I hear the song I get teary and laugh uncontrollably. Yes, I am dumb.

4. Filmstar -- Suede, The London Suede?: Sometimes they are Suede; sometimes they are The London Suede. I am not an expert in the field of hide-ology, but I can attest to the fact that this song is saxy. It makes me want to be a man with a ducky curl on the top of my hair and a snarly lip. Rawr.

5. You are My Sunshine -- Standard: Self-evident.

Grace has always drawn weird things, and I have loved them all, but this is my clear favorite. It's her "when she was still in my tummy." Now let's just assume I'm wearing mittens and toe shoes, and that I don't have penis limbs. Anyway, I was impressed when she told me "to look at how huge your heart is because I love you so much." I hope that's how she really sees me. I wish I saw myself that way. I see her that way, but there are few adults I see that way -- as having huge hearts. People are jaded and ultra conscious. I am when I'm afraid. I sound like a simpleton, I know, but it would be nice if we could see each other the way children do, with huge hearts and the benefit of the doubt. Scotty had his first day of school yesterday. He belly-crawled under the dollhouse table, shimmied the length of the radiator continued under the teachers' table, between their legs because they were both seated, past the snack table, and rose to all fours at the slide, made it to his knees and eventually stood before I realized he was following a boxelder beatle the entire time. Pretty things are small. (I'm listening to "You Still Believe in Me" from Pet Sounds, Vocals only).